Three Day Weekend Kickoff May 24, 2008

Yesterday afternoon we got the title insurance report on the house we’re trying to buy.  Turns out the sellers have more liens on the property than anyone was expecting, except for maybe them and they just failed to tell their realtor or ours.  The liens amount to more than the selling price, if they can’t figure out a way to pay off the debts or make arrangements with their creditors we will have to walk away from the house, because we aren’t taking on their debt.  Oddly, we’re at a place of peace about it.  Master said not to worry, we’ll find something else if this fails.  In the meantime we’re thinking positively and not letting this turn ruin a three day weekend.

A three day weekend that we kicked off by going to a bar last night.  This is maybe the third time in 8 years that we’ve gone out to have a few beers.  A few beers that quickly had me buzzed, its amazing how low my tolerance is!  The beer did make me sleep really well after a quick romp with Master, however.  This morning we started out with some spanking and blow jobs before taking aspirin and inhaling coffee followed by hitting the farmers market and a few yard sales. I found a great cookbook for 50 cents at the one sale, and am looking forward to spending this rainy afternoon looking through it.

Weigh & Measure Day May 23, 2008

It’s hard to share this, I’m intensely private about my weight and weight loss goals; but at the same time I want to be accountable and I want to share successes as well as failures.  I assume I’m not the only overweight slavegirl in the world and maybe my own path will encourage someone else, and in putting this out there other folks can encourage me.  Master continues to be my biggest supporter, constantly telling me how well I’m doing and looking, and that helps a ton, because in the end I do want to be that sexy slave on His arm.

Once a month the gym I use weighs & measures me – a progress report if you will.  After weigh & measure day I get a new work out routine to do 3 times a week designed by the owner/trainer.  I work out a total of 5 times a week at 5 am, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I do an hour workout that includes 25-30 minutes of Cardio with the weight training routine designed by the trainer.  Tuesdays and Thursdays I do 30 minutes of cardio.

Below is a chart of my progress from my heaviest weight ever in September of 2005 to where I started at the end of December, to today.

	HW 9/1/05	12/28/2007	4/25/2008	5/23/2008	Mo. Diff	Total Difference
Shoulders	55	48	47	46.25	-0.75	-8.75
Chest	52	49.25	46.5	46	-0.5	-6
Waist	51	43	39	39	0	-12
Hips	54	48	44.5	44	-0.5	-10
Arm	14.25	13.25	12.75	12.75	0	-1.5
Thigh	24.25	24.5	23.25	23.25	0	-1
Calf	16.5	14.5	14.25	14.25	0	-2.25
Weight	231	206	186	183	-3	-48

Difficult Submission May 22, 2008

The house stuff yesterday got me thinking about difficult submission.  So often, people think its the sex, humiliation, pain stuff that’s the most difficult to submit too.  I know that’s the stuff that fuels the fantasies of both Masters and slaves, but from my experience those aren’t nearly as difficult as some of the bigger life stuff or the little stupid stuff a person would never even think about.  The sex, humiliation, pain stuff is difficult but its also erotic, and its that sensuality that makes it doable.

Its submitting to the big life stuff you couldn’t possibly have predicted before you agreed to be His slave that really throws a slave for a loop.  Its submitting to His desires even though you passionately want to do the opposite.  Its sucking it up and dealing and not acting like a child that takes real determination and commitment.  Dealing with the fact that Master’s decision to make an offer or not on a home that you really love is up to Him alone, and you’re going to have to deal with that no matter what takes some serious resolve and tongue biting.

It’s the little stuff too.  It’s dealing with the fact that He’s drinking all that fresh pressed apple cider and not caring one single bit if you as His slave gets any.  It’s dealing with the fact that things aren’t fair, and you can’t really go about stomping your feet and slamming doors when you don’t get your own way.  Its the suffering in silence because you know the whining won’t get you anywhere fast, anyway that is a billion times more difficult than suffering some new humiliation that turns Him on.

As a slave, I’m fully aware of what I’ve agreed to and am 100% sure of who and what I am, that doesn’t mean it always comes easily.  I’m still human and while I do want what Master wants, sometimes I want what I want too, and its the fear that He won’t care about what I want that scares me every now and then.  Its amazing how the dread factor is always worse than the actual situation.  I was so sure yesterday that I knew how Master would react that the 90 minutes before I could talk to Him was pure torture, in the most un-entertaining way possible.  When I was able to talk to Master, He proved once again why He is a capable Master and once again I need to trust in Him and lay things at His feet, before getting myself all worked up.

Surprise, Suprise May 21, 2008

We had some house drama this afternoon.  I was terrified that we might have to walk away.  Thankfully, Master has decided its no big deal, we’ll make it work.  It’s a little different way we have to go about the needed repairs for the mortgage but no big deal at all.  I was so nervous about it, all options frankly sucked.  Master however, surprised me with His calmness and attitude.  I was preparing myself to submit to whatever He decided, and of course, preparing for the worst.  How is it after 8 years, He can still surprise me so?  I’m a very lucky slavegirl.

A very public thanks to my dear friend Robin, you really helped talked me down from a rather overdramatic state of mind.

 

No Mail Call May 20, 2008

We celebrated 8 years as Owner and property over the weekend.  It was very low key but no less wonderful.  I’m ever so grateful that 8 years ago Master came to Pittsburgh to collect me as His property.

For the last 8 years Master has opened the mail, giving me what He felt was appropriate.  I’ve never really given it a second thought.  Like in all things, I trust Master do to what He feels is right, the mail is no different.  Nothing can bring me back down to realizing that I’m property quicker than realizing that He throws mail away on occasion without telling me about it.  How’s that for a quick lesson on your status?  Taking someone’s mail is a federal offense for most folks, but around here all mail no matter whose name is on the address label is Master’s period.

No matter how long I’ve been a slave, every once in a while something happens that is a real snap to my thinking.  This mail thing was such a thing.  Maybe that’s a symptom of loving M/s relationships.  Master does love me and sometimes, while I never doubt that I am very much His slave, I let myself get sucked into the love/girlfriend feelings and then am shocked back to reality with His actions that show me that I am His property, period.

Mail call around here isn’t when the postman comes by but whenever Master decides it is so.  As property, I know I’m not entitled to my mail and honestly I’m grateful that Master handles everything that comes our way, however; sometimes things occur that make me stop and really feel what it means to be owned property not girlfriend or even woman.

Unspoken Communication May 16, 2008

I think I’m very intune with my Master.  We’ve been together a little while now (8 years tomorrow), so we have enough experience with each other to read body language, emotions, etc.  Its amazing to me sometimes the amount of communication that goes on without speaking.

Master is deaf in one ear, so sometimes He has a hard time hearing people, especially in places where there is a lot of background noise.  He has a way of looking at me when He didn’t quite hear what was said, that lets me know to repeat it to Him.  I can tell right away what He needs and I know how to help, I like that and so does He.

When Master is stressed or overwhelmed, I feel it.  I take it on and try to find ways to bring pleasure and offer help, when appropriate.  When Master is sad, I weep.  When His father died, I felt that sadness so deeply for Him.  When Master is happy, I laugh with the gladness.  There is, of course, “the look” too, but that’s not what this post is about.

I take it all on, as if its my own emotions coming from within.  This is a blessing and a curse.  It means I’m deeply in tune with my Master, which is good.  It also means, I’m not sure how to handle my own emotions sometimes without His lead, and that can be bad.  I can be exceedingly happy, however; if He’s stressed or overwhelmed my own happiness is overshadowed.  Conversely, if I’m sad, His happiness overshadows my sadness bringing me joy.

I suppose in the end, that’s my job.  Help absorb Master’s life so that I can bring Him pleasure and joy and in some way make His life a little easier.  The trick for me is make sure that I help in a way that is submissive and not in a way that leads to me doing things in the guise of helping that get in the way of obedience and submission.

Typical Day May 15, 2008

A typical weekday for me starts at 4:30 AM, and I hit the ground running.  A typical day for me starts with making coffee (can any day start without making coffee?), then while it brews I go to the gym and work out.  I come home shower, fix breakfast for Master and I, pack our lunches, get ready for work, etc.  Master and I chat a lot in the mornings, plan, etc.  We both go to work and both get home around 5:30.  I make dinner and the night can take on various directions, generally there’s some kind of service for Master, chores, etc. then bed. 

Weekends invariably take on different forms.  Master likes to have coffee in bed on weekends while I worship His feet and cock before starting the days.  Weekends are full of chores, hobbies, and fun.

These days aren’t exactly the fantasy of days I thought would be the life of a slave, before I was one.  I thought my typical days would look so much different, so less ordinary.  However, as I get closer to the anniversary of my 8th year as Master’s slave, I know that the typical fantasy day doesn’t hold a candle to the typical ordinary day I live.  I’m so grateful for all the ordinary, even if our ordinary is still a little left of center.

 

Obedience May 14, 2008

Sometimes things don’t go the way I think they shouldSometimes Master doesn’t do things the way I think they should be done.  I had the brief notion today that I would just do it the way I wanted, deliberately deceive Master and pay for something I think should happen.  Oy, what a nightmare thinking process for a slave.  Good thing it was just a brief notion that I didn’t follow through on.  I quickly eventually got myself back on track, but the urge to do something that Master didn’t want was strong, simply because I believed it was right.  I’m human, I’m obedient, but that doesn’t stop my mind from concocting plans to wrestle back into submission later.  Paying for something with His money without His prior knowledge is something I’ve never done in eight years and I don’t want to imagine the consequences should I try it now.

Sometimes obedience is its own reward, that’s a cliche I see all the time online, and sometimes its true.  I’m glad I chose the obedient/submissive route, otherwise it could have ruined something very special to me.  I’m not good at deceit anyway and would have confessed by now because the guilt would have eaten me up.  Still its good to remember that without obedience the rest of it, this relationship, this lifestyle, is impossible.

Anxious May 10, 2008

We’ve been approved by the seller’s bank.  Now, the entire inspection process begins, hopefully that holds no suprises and we can close by June 10th.  Its an interesting time, the amount of times I’ve had to bite my tongue has been amazing.

I’m anxious and excited, I focus on all the great things that could happen (huge garden, better pantry space, extra shop space for Master (possibly dungeon space).  Master thinks about all the things that could go wrong, He’s worried about different things and while I understand they are valid concerns, I worry less and maybe thats just because I want it so much.

I’m trying to remain focused on just what’s in front of me and not to get too far ahead.  In that light, today I’m baking sourdough bread, canning some homemade chicken stock, starting some beef stock from bones that I’ve been saving in the freezer, and possibly finishing some sewing projects.  Master has other things He wants to do and this will keep me out of HIs hair and yet serving His home.

 

Caffeine Drip, Please May 7, 2008

We still don’t have approval from the seller’s bank.  I hate the waiting.  I Hate the Waiting!  In the meantime, we’re moving ahead as if its ours, working on getting bids for improvement work, etc. 

The amount of work, phone calls, paperwork, etc. is overwhelming and the majority of it falls on me.  Master doesn’t have a job that allows for phone calls, call backs, etc., I do and as Master’s slave and assistant that’s my job.  It’s a lot to juggle I don’t mind saying.  There’s just so much to do and sometimes when I hit a brick wall, I don’t know where to go next or need to wait for Master’s call/direction losing time and momentum.  Oy, why are all the deadlines so tight on real estate deals, except for the foreclosing bank’s approval? They have the gold so they make the rules, I suppose.  In the end, I have great faith that everything will or won’t happen as its supposed too, but at the same time my patience is wearing thin with the seller’s bank.

All this juggling of extra duties into an already full daily schedule, got me thinking about laziness and slavery.  I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no room for laziness in slavery or at least in the type of service slavery my Master requires.  My job is to do what Master requires without worrying about being tired or stressed or overwhelmed.  I am to keep Master informed at all times and He’ll remove things if He sees its getting to be too much, but in the meantime its not for me to complain or whine or even yawn.  I just need to suck it up and somehow hook myself up to a caffeine drip until the time for rest arrives.

I don’t mind hard work and by nature I’m not lazy, but the lifestyle isn’t the fantasy of being caged with nothing to do but wait to be used for Master’s pleasure and locked away again.  Slavery is work and Master as boss is way more demanding than the boss who signs my paycheck.  It comes down to focus, as most everything does for me.  I have to keep focused on my duties as Master’s property and our goals whether its M/s goals or property ownership goals.