(I’m moving from another blog host, so I’m going to post some of my favorite entries here now and then)
I’ve spent a great deal of time lately thinking about the woman and slave i want to be. This should go without saying, but of course, i want to be the woman and the slave Master wants me to be first and foremost. In the end only His satisfaction truly matters because in His satisfaction, His happiness, i find my own.
Lately things seem to be clicking more for me, things i’ve wanted, the woman i’ve always wanted to be are happening. In thinking about that i realize that alot of that is true because of the positive reinforcement, discipline, and freedom granted me through my slavery and Master’s guidance. i’m a bit of an idealist (ok a huge idealist) and a dreamer, i come up with all sorts of plans and ideas for different things. However, historically i have lacked discipline to make any of it come true. Master helps me formulate plans, guides me into what is realistic and what kind of time & money He’s willing to let me put into something. When i get excited about new shelving or garden layouts, He helps me with the mechanics of it all and makes sure that everything is stable and safe. He makes sure i understand the commitment involved and generally allows me to move forward unless the idea is too costly for the return, dangerous or unfeasible. i honestly think one of Master’s biggest jobs is protecting me from myself.
The thing i’m learning is that the woman i’ve always wanted to be for the most part is exactly the woman He wants and the woman He encourages to grow. He’s given me the freedom to not worry about anything and turn it over to Him. Do i still worry, of course sometimes but it’s less then ever before. He’s given me the freedom and the rule to express myself, my hopes, my dreams, my fears without the fear of being rejected or degraded for them in fact i’m more highly treasured when i do.
He reinforces my getting fit/loosing weight routine just by constantly letting me know how good i’m doing. He provides discipline with small lectures and not letting me sleep in and missing a work out, even though my own desire to do so rarely happens. He reinforces my desire to be a good homemaker and slave by on occasion calling me after He eats His packed lunch letting me know how good it was. He provides structure and discpline so that i don’t overbook my time and can take great pleasure in packing His lunch or cleaning His home. The simple words “good girl” that come from Him during a new or difficult task give me enough positive reinforcement to try harder, to do better.
Master’s rules, discipline, and of course punishment when necessary guide me into becoming the slave He desires, the slut that craves His cock, the little girl that lives for making Him smile, the assitant whose only desire to serve and make His life easier. Yet in the process of living to serve and please Him, i’ve discovered the woman i’ve always wanted to be. i’m the gardener, the homemaker, the baker, the (very) small business owner, the quilter, the seamstress, and so much more.
thank you for your wonderful post. i too am finding the woman inside of me that i think has been yearning to come out. i guess it just takes what it takes. i’m quite interest in how your Master supports you in your weight loss. i too am on a journey of weight loss and and feel better and better which helps me feel more comfortable in the bedroom when i often struggle when i often deal with body image issues. although my Master always reminds me how beautiful i am.
My Master and i are on the same page every day, we are able to speak openly (when i ask permission of course) and we share our journey together. now if i could learn to be the seamstress/cook/writers that he encourages me to be, i’ll be right there with you.