Writer’s Block August 19, 2008

I’ve lost the will to blog.  At least the will to blog about slavery, my vanilla blog seems to keep flowing with no problems.  I just can’t seem to come up with anything to say about slavery except that I’m living it and flowing with it and serving my Master.  Which is really kinda boring, even for me to write, let alone for others to read.  I have struggles, but they’re more or less the same struggles as always and that gets tiring to write about, think about, or for Master to hear about.

I might be back when the urge comes back, in the meantime, those who I know well know the vanilla blog and can keep up with me there.

Weigh & Measure Day July 28, 2008

	HW 9/1/05	12/28/2007	6/25/2008	7/28/2008	Mo. Diff	Total Difference
Shoulders	55	48	46	46	0	-9
Chest	52	49.25	45.5	45.75	-0.25	-6.25
Waist	51	43	38.5	38.25	0.25	-12.75
Hips	54	48	44	44	0	-10
Arm	14.25	13.25	12.25	12.25	0	-2
Thigh	24.25	24.5	23	23	0	-1.25
Calf	16.5	14.5	14.25	14.25	0	-2.25
Weight	231	206	183	180	3	-51

Not too bad this month…

Finally July 22, 2008

Master and I are in the new house and have been since July 3rd.  It’s been a very long and exhausting, but oh so worth it, few months.  Getting all the remodeling done was quite a task but the house is just so comfy and inviting now.

It’s nice to be getting back to a more “normal” routine and schedule too.  I’ve hating ignoring this blog for as long as I have but I just couldn’t manage it.  I hope to start posting more regularly again.

Weigh & Measure Day June 25, 2008

Despite being incredibly busy, I’ve only missed one day at the gym this month and that morning I was just plain exhausted.  We’ve been eating horrible food, lots of fast food, etc. because there isn’t time to cook real food.  Despite the horrible food, I didn’t gain any weight, didn’t lose any either, but I did lose inches so its all good…

	HW 9/1/05	12/28/2007	5/23/2008	6/25/2008	Mo. Diff	Total Difference
Shoulders	55	48	46.25	46	0.25	-9
Chest	52	49.25	46	45.5	0.5	-6.5
Waist	51	43	39	38.5	0.5	-12.5
Hips	54	48	44	44	0	-10
Arm	14.25	13.25	12.75	12.25	0.5	-2
Thigh	24.25	24.5	23.25	23	0.25	-1.25
Calf	16.5	14.5	14.25	14.25	0	-2.25
Weight	231	206	183	183	0	-48

Too much… June 24, 2008

Apparently moving/remodeling, working full time, and of course, serving Master are about all I can handle at one time… blog posting and reading will resume once we’re settled…

Just for fun:

 

67 As a 1930s wife, I am Superior Take the test!

 

The Chaos that is Moving June 11, 2008

Moving and remodeling is taking up all of my time these days on top of work, serving Master, etc…. It’s overwhelming, exciting, and fantastic all at once.  With all of the packing and boxes, etc., things are bound to be misplaced.

Recently, Master couldn’t find His lighter.  It was no ordinary lighter, it was a Zippo that I gave Him the day He landed in Pittsburgh and we met for the first time.  I had it engraved with the words “Jeff’s Property”.  He used to smoke then and the lighter seemed so appropriate.  He hasn’t smoked for the last 6 years but still uses the lighter on occasion.  He thought He’d lost it over the weekend, I told Him at one point it’s ok to lose the lighter but not the slave while reassuring Him it’d turn up as we unpacked, etc.  He found it yesterday in His glove box and called me at work to let me know. 

In our relationship, Master and I do love each other, but there’s no doubt that I am very much His property.  I know my place (most of the time).  It is nice to know, however; that things like the lighter mean a lot to Him and in turn touch me too. 

Blog posts and reading will be very light until we get settled.

Personal Assistant June 4, 2008

It looks like we are going to close tomorrow afternoon on the house!  The sellers were able to make arrangements with all the lien holders, to sell the house free and clear.  We are excited and nervous all at the same time.

For the last 6 1/2 years, Master and I have been trailer trash.  We’ve been living in a trailer that we own on a rented lot.  While I had a billion reservations when we first moved in, the living expenses were cheap and allowed us to save enough money for the down payment and still have a reserve in savings for emergencies.  It ended up being a wonderful place to call home, Master was right (no surprise there).  We put a for sale ad in the paper two weeks ago, and last night we had two offers on the place.  I completely understand why people use Realtors, after this experience.  It’s so hard not to get wrapped up in people’s stories.  It has to be easier not to get to know potential buyers, even briefly, so that you don’t want to make things easier for them some how.  Apparently both Master and I have larger softer sides than even we realized.

Master asked me to call the lower of the two potential buyers this morning and give her the bad news.  He new that is was a horrible task, but what good is a slave if you can’t make her do things you don’t want too?  I called this morning, and blessedly, got her voice mail.  I left a message and figure that’s the end of that.

I also spent a bit of time setting up the new utility accounts, ordering new windows, and setting up the few workmen we’ve hired to help us do some repair work.  It’s so exciting and overwhelming, but just having the forward motion is a comfort.  We plan on staying in our trailer through the end of the month to do the repair, cleaning, and painting before moving in.

Being Master’s personal assistant is a huge part of my slave “job description” sometimes its quite pleasant and sometimes not so much.  The interesting thing is, that in doing alot of these tasks I feel closer to them, more like they are somehow just as much mine.  The house is in both our names, but there is no doubt in my mind to whom it belongs.  Its good that I take pride and ownership of my tasks and doing them well for Master, however; its a good reminder to keep myself humble and remember who does have the final say around here.

Three Day Weekend Kickoff May 24, 2008

Yesterday afternoon we got the title insurance report on the house we’re trying to buy.  Turns out the sellers have more liens on the property than anyone was expecting, except for maybe them and they just failed to tell their realtor or ours.  The liens amount to more than the selling price, if they can’t figure out a way to pay off the debts or make arrangements with their creditors we will have to walk away from the house, because we aren’t taking on their debt.  Oddly, we’re at a place of peace about it.  Master said not to worry, we’ll find something else if this fails.  In the meantime we’re thinking positively and not letting this turn ruin a three day weekend.

A three day weekend that we kicked off by going to a bar last night.  This is maybe the third time in 8 years that we’ve gone out to have a few beers.  A few beers that quickly had me buzzed, its amazing how low my tolerance is!  The beer did make me sleep really well after a quick romp with Master, however.  This morning we started out with some spanking and blow jobs before taking aspirin and inhaling coffee followed by hitting the farmers market and a few yard sales. I found a great cookbook for 50 cents at the one sale, and am looking forward to spending this rainy afternoon looking through it.

Weigh & Measure Day May 23, 2008

It’s hard to share this, I’m intensely private about my weight and weight loss goals; but at the same time I want to be accountable and I want to share successes as well as failures.  I assume I’m not the only overweight slavegirl in the world and maybe my own path will encourage someone else, and in putting this out there other folks can encourage me.  Master continues to be my biggest supporter, constantly telling me how well I’m doing and looking, and that helps a ton, because in the end I do want to be that sexy slave on His arm.

Once a month the gym I use weighs & measures me – a progress report if you will.  After weigh & measure day I get a new work out routine to do 3 times a week designed by the owner/trainer.  I work out a total of 5 times a week at 5 am, Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I do an hour workout that includes 25-30 minutes of Cardio with the weight training routine designed by the trainer.  Tuesdays and Thursdays I do 30 minutes of cardio.

Below is a chart of my progress from my heaviest weight ever in September of 2005 to where I started at the end of December, to today.

	HW 9/1/05	12/28/2007	4/25/2008	5/23/2008	Mo. Diff	Total Difference
Shoulders	55	48	47	46.25	-0.75	-8.75
Chest	52	49.25	46.5	46	-0.5	-6
Waist	51	43	39	39	0	-12
Hips	54	48	44.5	44	-0.5	-10
Arm	14.25	13.25	12.75	12.75	0	-1.5
Thigh	24.25	24.5	23.25	23.25	0	-1
Calf	16.5	14.5	14.25	14.25	0	-2.25
Weight	231	206	186	183	-3	-48

Difficult Submission May 22, 2008

The house stuff yesterday got me thinking about difficult submission.  So often, people think its the sex, humiliation, pain stuff that’s the most difficult to submit too.  I know that’s the stuff that fuels the fantasies of both Masters and slaves, but from my experience those aren’t nearly as difficult as some of the bigger life stuff or the little stupid stuff a person would never even think about.  The sex, humiliation, pain stuff is difficult but its also erotic, and its that sensuality that makes it doable.

Its submitting to the big life stuff you couldn’t possibly have predicted before you agreed to be His slave that really throws a slave for a loop.  Its submitting to His desires even though you passionately want to do the opposite.  Its sucking it up and dealing and not acting like a child that takes real determination and commitment.  Dealing with the fact that Master’s decision to make an offer or not on a home that you really love is up to Him alone, and you’re going to have to deal with that no matter what takes some serious resolve and tongue biting.

It’s the little stuff too.  It’s dealing with the fact that He’s drinking all that fresh pressed apple cider and not caring one single bit if you as His slave gets any.  It’s dealing with the fact that things aren’t fair, and you can’t really go about stomping your feet and slamming doors when you don’t get your own way.  Its the suffering in silence because you know the whining won’t get you anywhere fast, anyway that is a billion times more difficult than suffering some new humiliation that turns Him on.

As a slave, I’m fully aware of what I’ve agreed to and am 100% sure of who and what I am, that doesn’t mean it always comes easily.  I’m still human and while I do want what Master wants, sometimes I want what I want too, and its the fear that He won’t care about what I want that scares me every now and then.  Its amazing how the dread factor is always worse than the actual situation.  I was so sure yesterday that I knew how Master would react that the 90 minutes before I could talk to Him was pure torture, in the most un-entertaining way possible.  When I was able to talk to Master, He proved once again why He is a capable Master and once again I need to trust in Him and lay things at His feet, before getting myself all worked up.